Blessed are the poor: for they shall bring Pell.
Blessed are those who take morning classes: for they drive our utilization metrics.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall accept our decrees and use of their survey responses.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for self-righteousness: for they will be defended by the Board.
Blessed are they who do not need aid: for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they will be unaware of our deceit.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they will be called conspirators.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake: for theirs is the Golden Parachute.