Aging

I walked through Walmart today, noticing old people.

I didn’t want to be there, and I couldn’t imagine that they really did either.

But then I realized they did want to be there. It was their socialization and still feeling part of the world.

But they haven’t had bought into the whole “buying on-line” thing and having it all delivered.

Or social media.

In 20 years, or 30, will I be them?

I hate going to the store when I can have it all delivered.

I can socialize online now and can’t imagine that changing.

I mean, saying crazy things, obscure things, or the web-equivalent of “Get off my lawn!” which is “Learn to use Google, you moron!”

Oh, wait.

I do these things now.

 

Policy Tomorrow, Research Tonight

 

Something familiar
Something peculiar
Something for everyone:
It’s research tonight!

Something appealing
Something appalling
Something for everyone:
It’s research tonight!

Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the data, SQL and clowns!

Old situations
New complications
Nothing portentous or polite;
Policy tomorrow
It’s research tonight!

Something convulsive
Something repulsive
Something for everyone:
Some research tonight!

Pie charts aesthetic
Line charts frenetic
Something for everyone:
Some research tonight!

Nothing with gods, nothing with fate;
Weighty affairs will just have to wait!

Nothing that’s formal
Nothing that’s normal
Just recitations to recite;
Open up the spreadsheets:
Some research tonight!

Something erratic
Something dramatic
Something for everyone:
Some research tonight!

Frenzy and frolic
Strictly symbolic
Something for everyone:
Some research tonight!

Something familiar
Something peculiar
Something for everybody:
Some research tonight!
Something that’s gaudy
Something that’s bawdy–

Something for everybawdy!

Research tonight!

Nothing but grids

Symbols, they’re Greek

She presents later this week

Stunning surprises!
Cunning relations!
Hundreds of factors, kept out of sight!

R-squares and runics!
Antecedents and applets!
Confounding examples!
Elements and axes!
Histograms!
Treatment groups!
Validity!
Timidity!
Mistakes!
Fakes!
Tests!
Crimes!
Type Is!
Type IIs!
Bumblers!
Fumblers!

Unbiased means, no Trojan horse
And a happy ending, of course!
Goodness and badness
No fit is madness–
This time it all turns out all right!
Policy tomorrow
Research tonight!

Apologies to Mr Sondheim and Messrs Mostel and Lane.