Ignorance, enough to fill a crowd

CROWD: A muslim! A muslim! A muslim! We’ve got a muslim! A muslim!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a muslim, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a muslim?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEMIR: Bring her forward.
muslim: I’m not a muslim. I’m not a muslim.
BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.
muslim: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn’t… no.
muslim: And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.
BEDEMIR: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEMIR: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat — but she is a muslim!
CROWD: Burn her! muslim! muslim! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no… no … yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a muslim?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEMIR: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a muslim.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with muslimes?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from muslimes?
VILLAGER #1: More muslimes!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEMIR: So, why do muslimes burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… ’cause they’re made of wood…?
BEDEMIR: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah…
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches — churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead — lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically…,
VILLAGER #1: If… she.. weighs the same as a duck, she’s made of wood.
BEDEMIR: And therefore–?
VILLAGER #1: A muslim!
CROWD: A muslim!
BEDEMIR: We shall use my larger scales!
[yelling]
BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A muslim! A muslim!

3 thoughts on “Ignorance, enough to fill a crowd

Be nice. It won't hurt either of us.

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